It’s my own wedding, but I’m really confused.
Such an occasion isn’t meant for a dude.
I know I’m stereotyping. Yes, I realize.
That’s another characteristic of guys.

Gotta stay awake. Stay upright, that’s the plan.
People might notice if there were no man.
Can’t let my sweetie figure out how I feel.
Today is one day, I mustn’t keep it real.

When do we eat? I’m getting kinda hungry.
These formalities, they make me kinda grumpy.
I find this occasion both bizarre and odd.
Who dreamt up this shit? The Marquis de Sade?!?!

Hark! It’s the organ. It’s the Wedding March.
And here comes the bride, underneath the arch.
Here’s the fun fact. R. Wagner wrote this song.
A total anti-Semite and, in general, a dong!

There, I see my love, and my bitterness is gone.
In a few moments, get our public make out on.
Now, with our vows, complete and through.
This man is more than ready to say, “I do.”