So many war stories I have to tell.
A total nightmare, like life in Hell.
I recall it as clearly as yesterday.
In fact, it really was yesterday.

Oh, all the horrors, the things I’ve seen.
Playing first-person shooters on my HD screen.
With graphics so real, they make your head spin.
Make a fat man nauseous enough to get thin.

Fought aliens, and demons, and Nazis too.
Got hella sweet medals for WWII.
Drove tanks, flew planes. The bombs were droppin’.
Someone hit pause, and like, my heart was stoppin’.

Such bitter pain I still carry inside.
So many dirty secrets that I must hide.
But here’s one secret I’ll brag about.
Banged a virtual ho in a French whorehouse.

Then I banged another ho, then another one.
This part of war was admittedly fun.
Then I banged my drill sergeant, to his delight.
He had a thing for privates, each and every night.

Still, don’t get me wrong. Forget this digression.
My joystick was typically used for aggression.
Fought for my brothers, made many sacrifices.
But to my enemies, I wasn’t so nices.

A protector of freedom, that’s what I am.
Saved a whole lotta lives in Video’nam.
So, listen up, son. Give a vet some respect.
In an almost real sense, we serve and protect.