Did you know that Christmas is under attack?
It’s our PC culture gone mad, gone whack!
“Merry Christmas” is now “Happy Holidays,” yo.
Even Santa’s afraid to say “ho, ho, ho.”

I heard that Frosty’s now a Muslim too,
That takes some real snowballs, yeah it do.
And what about Rudolph, our red-nosed friend?
He prays to Allah five times by day’s end.

You think I’m just kidding, but I swear it’s all true.
It has to be real. It was on Faux News.
No more Christmas ham, ’cause in Islam, that’s awful.
For the rest of our holidays, it’s falalalalalafel.

Tell me what’s up with this Hanukkah fad?
And not a day goes by without a Kwanzaa ad.
Just bring me back my sweet Christmas deals.
Sick and tired of all these Ramadan sales, for real!

Where can a person go to get some Christmas cheer?
The churches on every block, I wish they were still here.
Now all you see: temples, mosques, and synagogues.
Thanks to the power of anti-Christian demagogues.

Can’t even escape by turning on the radio.
So many Buddhist chants. Where’d my Christmas songs go?
And good luck, ye gentlemen, finding a Christmas tree.
Only thing on lots these days, liberals selling weed.

Man, I wish those atheists would get off our back.
So we can once again tell them God is what they lack.
You know, we’re so oppressed, we Christian majority.
Such a helpless feeling, our numerical superiority.

All we can do for now is celebrate at home,
Out of public sight, exiled, banished, alone.
Dear God, we pray for one last Christmas miracle,
Bring Christmas back, so we can stop living in fearacle!