I was just born, so happy birthday to me!
A whole new world full of light and mystery.
Hey, what’s that sound? How did I just do that?
Is that my own voice? Can we have a chat?

Hello there, Mommy. Yes, yes, I love you too.
And who’s this handsome guy? Pops, is that you?
All of this feels like such a special moment.
As a happy family, a bond we will foment.

Can’t wait to play ball and practice some music.
My brain is on fire, so now’s the time to use it.
Learn English, Russian, and maybe some Spanish.
Develop mad skillz before the chances vanish.

Oh, damn. I believe I just pooped in my pants.
You try to stay civil, but sometimes you just can’t.
I’m sure we’ll look back, have a laugh one day.
But for now, it’s the price a parent must pay.

Ah, that’s much better. Now, what was I saying?
That’s right, all these dreams, these plans I was laying.
Get myself into college, get a real diploma.
From a good school, not some place in Oklahoma.

Get a job, make some cash. All ahead for my life.
And maybe some kids, with a real hot wife.
But most importantly, try to be a good man.
Make the most of my days, do the best that I can.

Ahhh… Ahhhhh! Ah. Ah. Ah. Aghrahhgh. Mmm, mmum. Gh!